First Dates: Post-Date Messaging

 Now that you’ve been through the trials and tribulations of your first date you can finally take a break and reflect on how it all went down. Hopefully, you followed our tips and found some great spots to take your Japanese date on a first date and set the right tone with pre-date communication. If everything went well, you might have ended up holding hands or even having a romantic first kiss. There are plenty of ways to tell how the date is going by reading the subtle signs that Japanese girls might give you during the date. But now that the date is over, you might be starting to obsess over how to move on to second-date territory.

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It’s easy to spend countless hours obsessing over the details and staring at your inbox but the key here is to be proactive. The same day that your date finishes it is a great idea to send a message that communicates clearly that you enjoyed yourself with your Japanese date. This should be more than a simple message. Instead, try and mention a particular moment when you felt especially close. You could mention a beautiful sunset, or an especially funny thing that happened during your date. The key here is to get your date to look back with fond memories on the time you guys spent together.

The other key point about this first post-date message is to re-open the lines of communication. This is your first entry point to proposing a second date. But don’t jump the gun; you don’t want to sound too eager here. So let things progress a little bit before you mention a second date. Hopefully you can think of a few more things to say to keep the conversation going over a few days while you plan something for your next date. You don’t need to bombard her with messages either. More than a message a day might scare her away. If you wait a couple of days you can even build a little bit of anticipation into your second date proposal. If you wait too long though, you might leave things hanging and miss your chance.

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There is always the issue of who should send the first message after the date. My philosophy is that it never hurts to let her know that you had a good time. Sometimes, though, you might want to wait for a message from her to give you a little bit of a confidence boost. If she sends you a message, it is certainly a very good sign. Some of the Japanese dating sites I looked at even caution the guy against thanking the girl because it cuts off her opportunity to do so. If you contact her first, you don’t even have a chance to wait and see if she is going to contact you, thereby cutting off your chances of evaluating your date’ success. Clearly, we need to take a deeper look into the complex and often ambiguous world of post-date communications. Here are some messages that a Japanese girl might send you and what they really mean, according to a roundup of Japanese dating sites.

Thank You Notes

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These types of messages can go one of two ways. There is short and sweet or glowing and effusive. The first one is not the best vote of confidence you can hope for, although certainly isn’t a death knell either. If it reads something like “Thanks for a nice time,” don’t despair. The best thing to do here is to give it a little bit of time. You don’t want to respond right away with a message like “me too.” This closes off the conversation. Wait until you think of something to ask or even an opportunity for a second date. You might want to say something like “glad you made it home alright” or something light like that, if anything.

If, however the thank you note includes something specific, you’re in good shape. If she talks about one of the places you took her to or talks about something you did it means she is looking back and remembering the date with good memories and she wants to let you know that you really impressed her. In this case too, you can breathe a sigh of relief and wait a little bit before formulating your reply.

If you decide that you want to make another move right away it’s best to keep those lines of communication open. In other words, don’t wait too long to contact her again. Maybe the expectations are a little bit different in Japan than they are over here. Most of the Japanese dating advice sites that I checked recommend guys to contact the girl the same day that the date happened. You don’t have to ask her out again right away, but at least say you had a nice time and hope that she got home all right. This demonstrates your appreciation for the time you shared and also concern for her wellbeing, two things that are major bonuses in the eyes of a Japanese girl. Like I mentioned before, the more specific you can be about a memory that you had from the date the better. If you remember a conversation that you had during the date in which she mentioned one of her favorite activities you can even slip it in here as a sort of warm-up to your second date. For example, maybe she mentioned her love of roller-skating. You could say something like let’s go for a roller skate next time at the end of your message. To show her that you were paying attention and listening and that you are already planning your next date.

Contrary to popular opinion, you can’t really go wrong by putting your feelings out in the open in this gentle way. Just don’t go overboard. Once you’ve sent this kind of simple text, give it a rest and do your best to distract yourself while you wait for another chance. It is repeated over and over again that as excruciating as these days of waiting can be, they are the way that we build the kind of expectations and tension in a relationship that can lead those exciting feelings to turn into something more. In other words, this expectation of a few days of waiting for a text can turn into huge feelings of relief and joy when that text finally arrives. We all know this feeling firsthand. You can use this to your advantage. If you wait a few days before sending a message after your first date it will let a Japanese girl know that even though you haven’t talked since your date, you are still thinking about it and about her days later. This could be enough to give her a reason to go for a second date.

Forget Something?

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If you really have your heart set on getting this girl, there is one sure fire way to guarantee that you will at least see her again. I found this tip on a Japanese dating site to help guys maneuver their way into that meeting. They suggest that you should be a proper gentleman during your date and offer to carry her bag or her coat if she takes it off. At this point, you could “accidentally” drop something of relatively low importance into her jacket or bag. Some examples include your glasses cases, or student ID or something like that. Then, after a couple of days if the messages are not flowing, you could suddenly “remember” that you are missing this item. This strategy is likely to work and might be a last-ditch effort to rope her in to a second meeting, but I think it has a lot of potential hazards as well. First of all, you have to pick the right item. If it is too important you will need it to urgently, but if it is too unimportant your ruse will be out in the open too clearly. This deceptive tactic might be a cute story for the grandkids, but you definitely will want to keep it a closely guarded secret, at least for the moment.

With these strategies in hand hopefully you’ve sealed the deal and made it to second date territory. The best thing you can do is to keep what you’ve learned about her on the first date in mind when you are planning your second date. Pay close attention to her likes and dislikes when you are talking with her on your first date. Use this information to plan a casual second date. While it is advisable to avoid movies and concerts on your first date because they don’t give you a chance to really talk and get to know each other, these can be great ideas for a second date. The second date is your chance to get a little bit more casual, loosen up, and really enjoy your time together.